I was driving through a bit of a snowstorm yesterday, urging the old Honda along. A bit of a snowstorm is the one that ticks you off but doesn’t kill you. For some weird reason, I always notice church marquee slogans, even while driving in the worst weather . You know, those pithy little messages the old church janitors trudge out to put up each week. Signs like “Don’t let a hearse bring you to church.” Okay, but if a hearse is bringing me to church, I’m going to do my best to sit up and ask that we go get Roxy Burgers first. Anywho…yesterday’s marquee message at one of our local houses of worship was advertising an appearance by a Chalk Artist/Ventriloquist. Wow. It doesn’t take much to blow my mind and this concept did the trick.
Most chalk artists I know are between the ages of four and seven and their canvas is sidewalk. Does the old church janitor have to go clear the sidewalk of snow before putting up pithy poetry on the outdoor sign? It’s hard to be a chalk artist in Michigan during January. Maybe the artist paints outlines at homicides. Where does ventriloquism fit into the work of a chalk artist? It has to be difficult to draw with a dummy on your knee. I shudder to think that he’s making murder scene outlines talk, although C.S.I. could wring out three more seasons with a gimmick like that. Are there college courses on these subjects? I’d love to appear in the Who’s Who of Chalk Artist/ Ventriloquists, but the protocol is sticky. If your biography states that you majored in ventriloquism sciences with a minor in chalk arts, it might look as if you’re showing off. I might go to the performance. Maybe while rendering Creation on the ceiling in chalk, the artist can make me talk without moving his lips.